Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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