Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
