but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
