I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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