return my video game
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
