He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
