Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
