We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
