i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
