Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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