in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
