just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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