you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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