onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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