The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
