I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
