Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
