he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
