My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
