I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
