Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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