There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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