if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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