I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
third nipple confirmed
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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