you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Let's get the cat blown out
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
