party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
