I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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