why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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