i just wanna soil my oats bro
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It's never too late to be topless.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
