4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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