I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
the condom got lost in my hair
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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