He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
