He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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