Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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