No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
