I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
