I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
