I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
this boner is exhausting
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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