In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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