i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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