I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
