the day after is always just damage control
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
