He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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