Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
