lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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