Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
