I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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