ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
