Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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