Im at strip club and am horny
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
