I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
