And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
